Does having an amicable divorce mean that there are no differences of opinion or disagreements about desirable outcomes? No, it doesn’t. Most people – even those who have an amicable divorce – disagree about some aspects of their separation; the key is the way in which disagreements are handled.

“Amicable” is defined as:

1. Friendly in attitude, or decisions or agreements achieved with friendly attitudes and without unpleasant argument, often despite a difficult situation.[1]

2. Characterized by or showing goodwill; friendly; peaceable; implies a desire on the part of the parties not to quarrel.[2] (“Quarrel” is defined as an angry dispute or altercation; a disagreement marked by a temporary or permanent break in friendly relations.)[3]

3. Relations between people having a spirit of friendliness, without serious disagreement or rancor.[4] (“Rancor” is defined as bitterness or resentfulness, especially when long-standing).[5]

Being “amicable” does not mean that you need to give up your entitlements so as to avoid a disagreement. It means that you will handle the disagreement in a respectful, peaceful way, free of bitterness and unpleasantness.

Certainly, there can be concessions made to reach an agreement. In fact, usually there are some concessions made on both sides during any negotiation. Where one needs to be cautious is not to make the mistake of allowing oneself to be treated unfairly in an attempt to be amicable. Truly, I don’t think a divorce can be called amicable if the agreement between the parties is unfair to one of them. In order to be characterized by goodwill and a spirit of friendliness, an agreement must be fair to both parties. If it’s unfair, the word “amicable” in such a situation would be used incorrectly to describe one person bending to the will of the other in order to avoid his or her rancor.

An amicable divorce involves disagreeing without being disagreeable, and it involves a fair outcome. The concept of fairness is a complicated topic in and of itself but, in order to be considered amicable, an agreement should seem fair overall from the perspective of both parties, both of whom have been fully informed with proper financial disclosure and legal advice.

We are focused on efficient & amicable separations. It’s what we do. In fact, we’ve helped nearly 1000 couples peacefully transition into a new stage of life. We’re here to help.

[1] http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/amicable

[2] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/amicable

[3] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/quarrel

[4] http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/amicable

[5] http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/rancor

We’ve created a video to explain the reasons that we’ve been recommending online divorce mediation as the preferred option for achieving a peaceful legal separation since 2016. See the Reviews & Testimonials for Modern Separations to hear why our clients think it’s a great solution as well.

I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by American divorce blogger/author/mediator Tara Eisenhard about my family mediation practice and my book, Pathways to Amicable Divorce: Directions for the Beginning of Separation. 

We shared an engaging discussion about how my book came into being, my motivations, what my divorce mediation practice looks like, and the benefits of family mediation in general.

I hope this interview will help people become a little more familiar with the process and benefits of family mediation.

Please feel free to get in touch if you think that divorce mediation might suit your situation. Also, please share this video with your friends and family who are going through the process of separation as they might find the video and/or the book valuable. Thanks!